Cultivate Community

In every relationship and community there are times when we will want to persuade another person or community members to see our point of view. 12 Ways to Persuade without Manipulating gives you guidelines for persuading others.

• Honesty is truly the best policy
  It can’t be stressed enough that being honest about what you want is the best way to start influencing your relationship because it creates a no-games way of looking at problems and conflicts.
• Know what you want
  Do you already know what you want? . . . make sure that you have a clear idea of what you want to share with your partner and what you want to achieve as a result.

Earlier this week we examined how to get ready to be on the board. Now we will look at what the roles of the board of directors are. Linda A. Bartel explores these roles in The Role of Today's HOA Board of Directors. Here a few of the roles the board is responsible for:

• Enforce the documents.
• Develop a workable budget, keeping in mind the needs, requirements and expectations of the community.
• Review local laws before passing rules or sending bylaws to membership for approval.
• Appoint committees and delegate authority to them.

Are you feeling down? Got the winter blahs? All of us have times where we get down on ourselves, and our confidence could use a little help. Kent Sayre has seven tips to help you boost your confidence. Because when you feel good about yourself, you're a much better spouse, parent, worker, and friend.

• Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Too often, we place excess importance on potential problems. We all have a certain amount of energy so let’s apply it to creating extraordinary relationships, advancing our careers and meeting our goals INSTEAD of wasting that energy worrying. Take action on what you have control over and minimize risks for what you don’t. Then invest your energy wisely.
• Find someone who is already confident in that area and copy them. Model as many of their behaviors, attitudes, values, and beliefs for the context you want to be confident in as you can. How can you do this? Talk with them if you have access to them. If you don’t have access to them, get as much exposure to them as you can. This could be talking to people who know the person and/or buying their products if they have some.

"The art of being yourself at your best is the art of unfolding your personality into the person you want to be... Be gentle with yourself, learn to love yourself, to forgive yourself, for only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the right attitude toward others," said Wilfred Peterson. Justin Hartfield has five ways to start having the right attitude toward yourself so you can build the right kind of relationships with other people.

• Be positive. A negative attitude which can poison your relationships with your coworkers, and indeed the world. Developing a more positive attitude does not mean ignoring hardships or failures. It is simply reframing those difficulties and negative emotions to healthier positive ones.
• Eliminate all judgments. No one is above you and no one is below you. We are all mammals - humans, more distinctly - just trying to get by the best way we know how. Do not believe for a second that there are unwritten 'leagues' or 'classes' which people must adhere to.

Ten Commandments for Board Members

1. Thou shall be consistent in all thy dealings.
2. Thou shall be faithful in attendance at board meetings.
3. Thou shall allow the professional manager to manage.
4. Thou shall insist that professional management be responsible to the board of directors.
5. Thou shall keep a watchful eye on the financial reports.
6. Thou shall communicate with your fellow board members and homeowners.
7. Thou shall deal honestly with all thy fellows.
8. Thou shall resist using thy position for personal gain.
9. Thou shall remember that you are a board member of a business.
10. Thou shall encourage the association to be members of CAI.

--Terrence P. Crawford, 1981

I found this at Community Associations Network.

Committees are more than just getting things done within your homeowners' association: committees can build community. As Committees, Committees, Committees points out, "Membership in a committee is a great training ground for first time involvement with the association." It's a way for your members to get to know each other and find out how the association is run and maintains the property. Some committees for your members to be involved in are:

• Community Relations: To monitor governmental activities and report to the Board of Directors on issues, events, and projects occurring in the surrounding community that impact the general welfare of community.
• Communications: The Communication Committee coordinates the development of the newsletter, flyers, websites, or other general publications.
• Hospitality and Welcome: To welcome each new homeowner within the first few months of the new member moving into the community.

All of us have problems to solve be they at work, home, or on the board of directors. In 13 Problem Solving Nuggets Everyone Should Know, Dave Cheong has put 13 problem solving strategies into one article. Two of his strategies include:

• Start with a positive outlook. The first thing you should do when faced with a difficult problem is to start with a positive outlook. Sometimes our first reaction is to fear the unknown. That’s pretty natural. However, I’ve realised over the years that it is the unknown that has given us, as individuals and as the human race, the curiosity to try new things and aim for the stars. Don’t fear the problem itself. Look at it as an opportunity.
• Approach the problem with an open mind. An old saying goes, “If the only tool you have is a hammer, everything becomes a nail”. What this means: The way you have done things in the past may not always work for all situations. In life, I find there are often many solutions to a given problem. Some are more effective than others. Some are more appropriate than others. When faced with a difficult problem, do not assume you know the answer at the start. Stop for a second and take the time to understand what the problem is truly about before applying a solution. Be open to all possibilities. Do not presume everything is a nail.

We all know good manners do matter. But according to US World and News Report "rudeness had increased so dramatically that society was experiencing 'a profound social breakdown.' 89% of the individuals polled said that it was a serious problem in today's society. Only 10% confessed to ever being rude!" Before the next board meeting here's some advice from Meeting Manners Matter:

• Say Hello/Introduce Yourself. Greet each participant. Introduce yourself to people you don't know. Make eye contact and smile.
• Arrive On Time. Be considerate of other peoples'time.
• Pay Attention. Don't read e-mail, memos, or other items when someone else is speaking. Don't carry on side conversations. Twisting paperclips and doodling gives the impression that you really don't care.
• Be Prepared. Don't make yourself look like the kid who got caught not doing his or her homework.

Have you ever noticed that things that get on your nerves in other people are the things you don't like about yourself? And the things you like in other people are the things you like about yourself? In Understanding Human Relationships, Steve Pavlina explores this aspect of relationships.

I encourage you to experiment to see how your external relationships reflect your internal ones. Try this simple exercise: Make a list of all the things that bother you about other people. Now re-read that list as if it applies to you. If you’re honest you’ll have to admit that all of your complaints about others are really complaints about yourself. . . .

It can be hard to admit that your complaints about others are really complaints about yourself, but the upside is that your relationship issues reveal where you still need to grow. Consequently, a fantastic way to accelerate your personal growth is to build relationships with others. The more you interact with others, the more you learn about yourself.

In her reflections on this post Liz Strauss adds this insight:

When we have a problem or a conflict, we often find ourselves on opposite sides of a line. The problem defines us as we and them, you and I, hero and villain or so many non-intersecting circles. If we make a sincere change with intent to grow, we have just moved outside of our circle. The person on the other side of that line has a new picture, a new response when he or she communicates. Of course he or she will notice, that alone is a change.

We read a lot about online communities. But what does "community" mean on the internet? Carol Anne Ogdin describes the difference between standing in line at the supermarket with a group of people and what it means to be part of a community. Her distinguishing characteristics of community include:

• Purpose: some reason for the community to exist, beyond just 'having community,'
• Commitment to other's welfare; some essential caring by each member for others in the same community, or at least some responsibility of individual members toward the community.
• Self-determination; the freedom to decide for themselves how they'll operate and whom they'll admit to membership.