Cultivate Community

In every relationship and community there are times when we will want to persuade another person or community members to see our point of view. 12 Ways to Persuade without Manipulating gives you guidelines for persuading others.

• Honesty is truly the best policy
  It can’t be stressed enough that being honest about what you want is the best way to start influencing your relationship because it creates a no-games way of looking at problems and conflicts.
• Know what you want
  Do you already know what you want? . . . make sure that you have a clear idea of what you want to share with your partner and what you want to achieve as a result.

Committees are more than just getting things done within your homeowners' association: committees can build community. As Committees, Committees, Committees points out, "Membership in a committee is a great training ground for first time involvement with the association." It's a way for your members to get to know each other and find out how the association is run and maintains the property. Some committees for your members to be involved in are:

• Community Relations: To monitor governmental activities and report to the Board of Directors on issues, events, and projects occurring in the surrounding community that impact the general welfare of community.
• Communications: The Communication Committee coordinates the development of the newsletter, flyers, websites, or other general publications.
• Hospitality and Welcome: To welcome each new homeowner within the first few months of the new member moving into the community.

Have you ever noticed that things that get on your nerves in other people are the things you don't like about yourself? And the things you like in other people are the things you like about yourself? In Understanding Human Relationships, Steve Pavlina explores this aspect of relationships.

I encourage you to experiment to see how your external relationships reflect your internal ones. Try this simple exercise: Make a list of all the things that bother you about other people. Now re-read that list as if it applies to you. If you’re honest you’ll have to admit that all of your complaints about others are really complaints about yourself. . . .

It can be hard to admit that your complaints about others are really complaints about yourself, but the upside is that your relationship issues reveal where you still need to grow. Consequently, a fantastic way to accelerate your personal growth is to build relationships with others. The more you interact with others, the more you learn about yourself.

In her reflections on this post Liz Strauss adds this insight:

When we have a problem or a conflict, we often find ourselves on opposite sides of a line. The problem defines us as we and them, you and I, hero and villain or so many non-intersecting circles. If we make a sincere change with intent to grow, we have just moved outside of our circle. The person on the other side of that line has a new picture, a new response when he or she communicates. Of course he or she will notice, that alone is a change.

In our busy world there are times we barely see our families, let alone our neighbors. So how do we build community within our homeowners' associations? Putting 'Community' Back into Community Association Living will give you ideas for building community among your residents.

Some of the ideas we've covered in earlier stories, such as, having a community newsletter and website. Some additional ideas are having block or floor parties, a community garage sale, or a community sports team.

It's the start of new year and a great time to start a community newsletter, if you don't already have one. Community newsletters can let your busy homeowners know about important news, meetings, and events where they can get to know each other. Here are a few tips Michael Southall has for developing a newsletter:

• Keep information timely and up to date.
• Use informative headings.
• Is the message narrow and consistent?

Before I was married I was told that the most important thing in a marriage is communication, communication, and communication. This holds true for any relationship as well as communities. The Neighborhood Link Resource Guide has many ideas for communicating effectively to build your community.

Social Activities:

• Plan and hold holiday parties and events
• Organize block parties
• On a periodic basis, plan a community wide event, such as yard/garage sale, craft/bake sales, etc.

Website/internet usage:

• Include information that can be accessed by members of the association
• Provide weekly alerts and reminders that facilitate positive interaction with the association
• Announce any timely changes in operations, such as major repair work on the pool

Matt Haughty, the founder of MetaFilter, has eight steps to help you build your online community in Building an Online Community: Just Add Water. Here are a few of his suggestions:

• Have both a compelling idea and compelling content. Compelling content is more important than you probably think. The most well-defined group purpose, with lots of motivated members, will go nowhere unless there is something to draw everyone together and get people contributing.
• Seed content sets the stage. In the early months of a community site, it's important that there is good content there, and that the comments or audience interaction are as close to optimal as possible, so that others reading the site can get a feel for how they are expected to act.
• Deal with troublemakers as quickly and nicely as possible. If you're running a community site of some sort, there's a good chance that people are going to try and mess with it, push the envelope, and hack at it for no good reason. The important thing for you to do as the administrator is deal with problem members as soon as possible and as carefully as possible.

   

A great way to grow a budding relationship and help build community is the fine art of encouragement. In today's world there is little gratitude with looming deadlines, stress, and the feeling you're not quite good enough. David Keong has eight simples way to make someone's day. Here's two of them:

• Show genuine interest. I believe this is by far the most effective way of encouraging others. Let them know you care. Express genuine interest by asking questions. Get them talking. I find the act of talking and thinking can fire up the engines (roar!). With some hope and luck, this can lead to positive action. But don’t be fake about it and don’t go overboard.
• Say “Thank you”. Common courtesy. Good manners. That what this tip is about. It’s only natural to expect a reward after hard work. It’s only natural to thank someone when they do something for you. You can start now. Thank your wife after she cooks a nice meal. Thank your friend for lending you that Stargate DVD. A simple thank you lets others know what they have done is worthwhile and meaningful to you.

All of us communicate every day with many people: family members, friends, coworkers, employers, and the variety of acquaintances we see each day. As Adrian Savage points out, a lot of the communication skills we read about are not easy to memorize and keep in mind for those times when we really need them. Here are two of his "easily remembered notions to help you deal with relationships better."

Relationships flow along the path of least resistance. If you make it tough for others to relate to you, don’t be surprised if they go elsewhere. No matter how nice, knowledgeable, clever, witty, sexy, or well-connected you are, no one is forced to accept anything beyond the most superficial dealings with you. Besides, there are plenty of other people who are nicer, brighter, wittier, cleverer, sexier, and better-connected than you are. Some of them are probably richer too.

Making moves to meet people where they are works better that hanging around until they come to you. You don’t have to like others and they don’t have to like you, but it’s a nicer world if that’s what happens. You could stand back and wait for everyone to come to where you are, but that’s going to take more time than anyone has on this earth. Making the first move towards friendship and acceptance beats waiting hands down. You’ll never know whether you might find something worthwhile until you make the effort to look for it.

Getting volunteers doesn't have to be like pulling teeth. Richard Thompson says it takes more than posting notices: your community membership needs to be wooed over time. Here are some of his wooing techniques.

• Communicate Regularly. A frequent complaint of members is not being kept informed. To draw out volunteers, it's critical that they know there is an ongoing need. Also, some members develop a suspicious nature about board motives when kept in the dark and use it as an excuse not to be involved. Let them know what you're up to early and often! Repeated pleas for help will have their effect. A newsletter and flyer distribution box (the kind used by real estate agents) is an inexpensive and convenient way to get the word out.
• Socialize the Membership. People tend to want to help those that they know personally. However, many are shy and don't make friends easily. The HOA can promote several socials annually to facilitate the process. Consider a spring clean-up party, pool party or just plain potluck. It will help create a real "community."
• 24/7 recruiting. The month prior to the annual meeting is not the only time to look for board candidates and volunteers. New members often have an interest in getting plugged in and are ripe for the picking at move in. Whenever a special project or event materializes, look outside the board for someone to do it.